Love Drunk Online Shopping But Hate the Purchases You Make? drunkMall Is Your Answer

online shoppingEvery American adult has probably done it at least once: drunk online shopping. It’s something that typically happens via Amazon, or sometimes eBay. It also tends to result in some questionable purchases, partly because the process of navigating any website while drunk tends to be confusing and overwhelming.

drunkMall is here to change that.

drunkMall is a little bit like SkyMall: it exists for a niche group of consumers and it offers a lot of things no one really needs… But that’s only because the items are obscure enough that few people would even imagine they would exist.

Sweatpants with Tupac Shakur’s face and the words “THUG LIFE” printed on the calves.

An automatic mini donut-making machine.

A 26-pound gummy snake — and yes, it’s edible.

All of those items — and so many more — can be found on drunkMall, as Mic and New York Magazine have reported. The website includes a variety of “questionable buys” from all over the internet and it combines them into a simple marketplace with “a sleek interface” that adds to the credibility of each item.

As Paste Magazine described it, “drunkMall is all about the random stuff you can absolutely live without, but in your happy little drunk brain, it all seems to be life-altering purchases that will change your entire existence.”

According to drunkMall’s website, the company receives a commission for referring shoppers to each of the affiliate sites, but it also welcomes shoppers to email suggestions of items “worthy of posting on drunkMall.”

On each listing, drunkMall provides a picture, a link to the website where it can be purchased, and a short explanation of the item. For a $100 jaguar-print “party suit and tie,” for example, drunkMall explained,

“There will be no question who the life of the party is when you walk in wearing this jaguar print suit. Like all suits made by Opposuits, this is not just a costume but an actual, high-quality suit. The outside and inside pockets are real, the lining, buttons, and belt looks are all of the quality you’d expect from a regular suit — this one just has extra sex appeal! The tie is included, so this suit is worn to be wild.”

The website was created by Tyler Mahan Coe, who actually has the process of drunk shopping down to a science.

“What you want out of the ideal drunk purchase is two things,” Coe told Mic. “There needs to be a period of doubt that begins the day after your drunk order…Because that makes it so much better when a solid drunk purchase shows up and just destroys all of that doubt.”

Considering that around 80% of the online population has made at least one purchase online but only 50% has made two or more purchases, it’s worth wondering if that elusive 30% includes one too many regretful inebriated shoppers.

At least when drunken consumers purchase an adult coloring book titled “Unicorns Are Jerks” and a black-metal Bernie Sanders t-shirt, it’s hard to imagine any true buyer’s remorse upon opening that package. Even so, to use drunkMall’s opening statement, “Take 2 aspirin and check your credit card statement in the morning.”

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